Moving Forward

Well as most of you know, we did not get the news we were hoping for on Wednesday. From that point life has moved on. Thursday was a lot easier than I expected it to be. I could talk about the results without crying to some friends, they hugged me and I wouldn't burst into tears, I was fine.........right? Well I sure thought so until I was up watching some television on Friday night after Dave had left for work. I was catching up on Parenthood and one of the couples on the show has been going through an adoption process this season because the wife had found out she could not conceive a second child. Well one of the episodes I watched she was about to get the baby, she was there for the birth, she gets to hold her future son, she goes to get her family to come meet the baby and bring him home with them and then walks in on the babies mother rocking him in the nursery. She knows in that second that baby is no longer hers, that mother is keeping her child. She has to be the rock, turn her husband and daughter away as they get off the elevator, than she collapses and as this happens I loose it. The tears come rolling, the emotions hit me smack in the gut, and I'm a wreck. After I calm down I continue watching the next episode. By the end of the episode they have packed up the nursery and they are getting a young boy that needs a home right then. I can only assume they will foster the child in hopes to adopt. Anyhow long summary short, I watched that and just felt like the Lord was telling me "I have a plan, it will happen, do not worry" Does this mean I won't cry again, that I won't get frustrated. not at all, I'm only human. 

Life is hard right now when all you see and hear are pregnancies and babies. Especially right now, most of our friends our age are starting and extending their families. It can be hard but melts my heart with joy as well. It's also challenging because I take care of little 1 year olds at church every Sunday. I have to get my baby need urges met somewhere. Love my 1 year olds and all my friends sweet ones. I love planning baby showers, I love bursting for joy at our friends pregnancy announcements....maybe I'm a tad messed up. ha ha What hurts me most personally, brings me so much joy for others.

I can only try to remain strong and keep moving forward. If I sit and overwhelm myself with the why us, why me B.S. of life then I would never get anywhere. Yes it sucks, Yes I'm flustered, but I know in my heart this will happen. I know the Lord has great things in store for me. I have heard the following statement over and over these past few days "Good things come to those that wait." I love this and every time I hear it an inner peace fills me. I know the Lord has a plan, I have my own stresses about finances (IUI isn't cheap) and Murphy's Law has kicked us hard this month, but I have to release those concerns and give them to the Lord. I know HE will take care of us. I just have to keep moving forward!