Thank you!

I just wanted to Thank each of you who have gone out of your way to call me, text me, message me, facebook me, in order to check on me and offer support. Thank you to those who have kept me busy since Friday night by getting me out of my house, allowing me to keep my mind off everything. Thank you to those who have kept me entertained with just normal every day conversations, not bringing up anything about all of this. Thank you to those who have talked with me about this and allowed me to say as little or as much as I'm ready for. Thank you to those who unfortunately have gone through this same situation or very similar who could prepare me for what to expect and give me true sympathy and love. Thank you to my parents and brother who have continued to lift my spirits and call me daily to make sure I'm ok, love you guys! Thank you to all those who have prayed for us and with us throughout this entire journey. We sure do have some amazing family and friends who truly care about David and I and we thank you for everything.

The Lord answered my prayers and addressed my concern concerning the decision to stop taking my medicine even after my doctor assured me that the decision to stop was fine. I was not comfortable with that, prayed about it and emotionally I could not do it. I wanted it to be in God's timing, not mine which was what my battle was. I felt like it wasn't my place to decide when it happened. The Lord heard that concern and gave me the closure I needed so that I could stop the meds knowing it happened in His timing and not mine.

I am getting better a little bit more every day. Today I could talk about it without crying to several people who came by the office which was a huge success. Thought today would be the roughest day but in a way it was closure, which helped.

So ultimately this post is for all of you who cared enough to take time out of your day to check on us. Ya'll rock and I feel very blessed by each of you!

God Speaks

So you know how there are days you go to church and the sermon is good but doesn't really affect you but you know that someone in that congregation is being touched and moved and needing to hear those exact words. Well today that was me, I was that someone. It was as if the Lord was speaking to me, granting me comfort. The topic today was "What is Your Agenda? A Question of Meaning & Purpose" There were many things that were said that touched me that I would love to share with you all just in case you need to hear it to. 

Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

Our pastor said something that was much needed to hear, "You have to be willing to give up everything for God" Just think of this, give up EVERYTHING! 

1. You were designed for something significant. Deep breath and repeat to self "I am designed for something significant" Thank you Lord.

 Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

• God as a plan and a purpose for each of us. I have to keep telling myself this. I may not understand it but there is a reason we are going through this.

2. You were Inspired with Dreams from God. 

• God is calling you to something unique. 
• You have to hear what God calls you to do. 

 3. You have to Develop to Fulfill all God has for you

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

• You will be tested and challenged. You must pray and adjust. No matter what is thrown our way. All I can say is Amen! Are we being tested? Yes. Are we being challenged? Yes. But my faith remains strong in the Lord and I will not allow any of this to lead me astray.

4. You have to Die so that you can Live 

John 12:24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." 

•  When it's hard God is teaching you something. Boy has it been hard but I know weeks, months, or years from now I will be able to look back and see what that lesson was.

 This was exactly what I needed to hear. I got up this morning knowing I needed to go to church and that it was going to be a very emotional time for me. I prayed that this week would be the week that He would speak to me. Thank you Lord for hearing me and giving me guidance today. I do not understand all this and I don't know if I ever will but I know there is a plan and a purpose for our lives. I must take one day at a time and be patient for HIS timing. 

Frustration

Well Test 2 came back at a 11 which is higher than 7 but supposedly not high enough. My doctor believes that the pregnancy will not take for whatever reason...which we may never know. He wanted me to get off my medicine and expected the miscarriage to happen early next week. Miscarriage....lets just hit pause there. Miscarriage, say what? I wanted to scream. I have to just sit and wait for this to happen...really? Just fabulous. So here comes my frustration which I hope you don't take personal but a girl has to vent. Why when someone who has so much difficulty even getting pregnant, finally does, and then within 2 days of finding out she's pregnant she is told to expect a miscarriage. Why does this happen? Yet some people can literally look at a guy and bam they are pregnant. I feel like it's a sick sick joke like here you go, it's fabulous right...well just kidding, you loose. We are frustrated, tired, angry, hurt, the emotions and feelings list goes on and on but in time we will heal. We will have another blood test on Monday in hopes that maybe just maybe my numbers go up. The Lord does work miracles and does prove medical science wrong at times. I pray for this but have already started to await the words: It did not work and am coming to terms of accepting that. I am healing with the good Lords help but often will just start crying. I know in HIS timing this will happen for us and HE had a reason that this sweet baby could not go full term. Right now I may not see it and I do not understand it....but in time I will appreciate this entire, hard process. I pray for strength through this all for myself and my husband. We are not giving up and will try again.

The Lord will never give us more than we can handle. I must remember this right now and just breathe.

Results Round 2

Well after 3.5 years of trying, frustration, tears, the roller coaster ride has come to a slow down/stop. WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are excited but trying to not be overly excited yet. My levels are still lower than my doctor wants them to be. To be considered pregnant you are suppose to be at least a 5 or above. I am a 7. This does not mean anything is wrong with the baby or me but they want to closely monitor me. I will go again on Friday morning for the same bloodwork in order to see if my level has increased at all. I ask you to please please pray for us that the number continues to go up each day/week when they test. My doctor said "be excited but know that it could still go either way right now" so that is what we are doing.

 I surprised myself that I was not as stressed as I thought I would be but last night and this morning I prayed that the Lord would give me patience, give me strength today and that maybe just maybe they wouldn't give me a time. Well this morning at the bloodwork they did NOT give me a call time so I had nothing to stress me out because I had no idea when they would call, knew it could be around 6 or 7pm since that was the time they called last month. I got home, it was life like usual. I took comfort today with the Lord in prayer just asking for strength. I was mentally preparing myself for the worst news. Then they called around 6 and guess what...my phone looses signal. Freakin A AT&T.....if they hadn't called back AT&T would have gotten a not so nice Sarah yelling at them. However about 45 minutes to an hour later they called. I wasn't stressed though in that wait time...cooked a new recipe that came out delicious by the way!!! Then they called and you know the rest. 

We are very excited but also trying to stay on guard. Now I know telling everyone isn't what some people would call "smart". However, I do not believe in the superstition of keeping it a secret because if you don't you will miscarry. I think that's a bunch of bologna because it's already been determined when I get pregnant, when I'm due, how many kids I'm having because that's the Lords work. If I have a miscarriage it will not be because I said anything, it will be because that is what was meant to happen, it's the Lords will. I will keep you all posted after Friday. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and support throughout the entire process. It means the world to us. But please do not stop, we've got to get through this first few weeks/trimester and that number needs to keep getting bigger. 

God Bless! 

Big Day Round 2!

Well tomorrow is our big day. We find out if this round of IUI worked. If the time is now or not. I am trying my hardest to stay strong and not care and just roll with the punches. I'm having all the same symptoms that I was last month but at least this month I know that it could be the meds since that is what it was last month. I find comfort in turning to the Lord and understanding that I have NO/ZERO/ZILCH control over this. I'm not to sure how many times I have apologized to HIM this month for questioning and begging, however, I know deep down that HE has a plan for us. I have been praying for HIM to give me more patience tomorrow to get through my day. I pray they call when they say they are going to. I pray for a busy day to keep my mind off it all. I pray for strength for tomorrow. 

I also love my mother for sending me a sweet prayer.

"Praying For A Baby"

This prayer was written as a group prayer to be said by several people at the same time, but of course it can be modified for use by just one person.

The Prayer:

Here in this tranquil moment in communion with you dear God, we renew our faith, empty our mind from negativity and free ourselves of all concerns; as we turn our thoughts to your presence we feel safe and calm.



As we pray to be blessed with children:
We thank you dear God for all the blessings you have provided us and for the eternal love that comes every day from your presence in our lives.



As we pray to be blessed with children:
We embrace your healing light to restore our bodies, mind and soul from all that is keeping us from conceiving children so we can welcome the joy of parenthood into our lives.



As we pray to be blessed with children:
We strive to gain strength, patience and the ability to face the difficulties of infertility with high spirits, confidence and serenity knowing that your love and infinite wisdom are guiding our feet to the right path leading us to the children we have been awaiting for so long.


As we pray to be blessed with children:

We open ourselves to your love dear God, and we humbly ask you, the creator of life, to grant us the precious gift that we so longingly seek: the ability to bring children to the love of our families, children whom we  will raise to know your name and your infinite love.



As we pray to be blessed with children:

We ask for the energy and the vitality to take us through the challenges and rewards of pregnancy and to carry our children to term and to be blessed with a safe delivery.

Amen

Thanks mom I love you!  I ask that you all pray for David and I tomorrow. I will do my blood work first thing in the morning and hopefully get a call before 7pm tomorrow night.

A Surprise!

As most of you know from my last post I had very little hope for my sonogram on Monday. Well after showing up to my appointment 25 minutes late (thanks 820 construction) my doctor as well as myself were shocked at what the sonogram showed. As I'm looking up at the TV screen on the wall there are these huge chocolate chips (follicles) and I know, I know that that's the size they need to be.  I'm shocked, I'm speechless, I'm humbled, I'm excited. I had 2 follicles AGAIN! One was a size 19 and one a size 20.....20 is the size they need to be to be considered "ready". Well now I'm freaking out because I never got my shot so I mention it to the doctor and I felt God just say "It's ok I've got this" because she immediately told me it was no big deal, they had extras at their office for the" just in case" cases like this. So we administered the shot Monday evening. We are scheduled for the IUI tomorrow afternoon. Then in 2 weeks I will go in for a blood pregnancy test. Please pray. I'm really going to try not to get to excited about all this this time. I feel a little more prepared to know how my body will react this time. We will see. I am hopeful, I am praying, but other than that there is nothing I can do and I will consider myself "not" pregnant until proven otherwise. Pray egg and sperm meet and are friends. :) 

I also just want to say thank you to all those that have been praying, hoping, and wishing for us throughout this entire process. You all are amazing and we are very blessed to call you family and friends.

God has a plan

Well in my last post you got to see the frustrated Sarah. That girl isn't gone, but I do think I see God's plan now. I have not progressed as of last Tuesday. I go back tomorrow, but this weekend I realized I NEVER got my shot mailed to me. The shot is what initiates ovulation and I think I was suppose to get it last Monday. Well as of today, still nothing. So if I had been ready, we wouldn't have been able to do anything because we didn't have the shot, thus no ovulation would have occurred. So maybe, just maybe, this is why the Lord didn't allow my body to start developing "good" follicles. Now I am not sure why this has happened, maybe the nurse didn't do her job and fax the paperwork, maybe the company lost the information, who knows where all this fell through the cracks. But I am to the point of accepting this delay and now just hope tomorrow I am not "Ready" because I have no idea if we could get the shot by Tuesday night which is when I would probably have to administer it if I am "Ready" tomorrow. Deep down though I don't feel like this month is THE month. But we'll see. I am at peace though if it doesn't work because I now see the reason.

On a side note David and I got new couches today!!! We will have nice, new, clean couches that are not torn and old. These will be delivered in 2 weeks and we cannot wait. Our plan is to have these paid off by Christmas this year so that we can then get new floors! All in time for a "God Willing" baby.